Letting Go Of The Past

BY Chef Murph January 30, 2019

By Chef K.T. Murphy

“You can’t change the past, But the future is mine!”  Chef  K.T. Murphy
One of my saying that I have printed and taped to my mirror in the bathroom. After pastgoing through divorce and being single having to re plan / organize my life. It can be depending on the person and on the past, letting things go can be very important to your success. It can also be very difficult. There are different approaches that you can take, but if your past is keeping you from a healthy future, try at least one of the following tips.
1. Keep Moving Forward
One of the best ways to let go of the past is to keep looking toward the future. The things that happened to you in the past aren’t isolated incidents, they are part of an ongoing series of events that makes you who you are in the present. Sometimes after a fresh wound it can be easy to see things that happened in the past as set-backs. It is more productive to look at “setbacks” as “new opportunities.”
As long as you are happy with who you are and where you are going, the past stops being a matter of good or bad and simply becomes history.

2. Physically Leave The Past Behind
Sometimes the best way to let go of the past is to simply leave it there. If an event or relationship was painful to you, sometimes the only thing that you can do is to physically leave it behind. Pick up and move off. Sometimes it may be a short holiday just to get your mind off of things but sometimes it means packing a van and never looking back. Really it depends on the severity of the trauma and the way that you process it. This may seem like running away, but who cares. If your pain is preventing you from being happy and productive, just leave it behind.

3. Distract Yourself
If you don’t need to leave your past behind, or if something is stopping you from doing so, consider finding something to take your mind off of it.
Whether it’s discovering a new hobby or throwing yourself into a new one, finding something to fill your days can be a good day to get used to life after your pain. Just about anything will do as long as it takes time and focus.

4. Talk About It
Sometimes the reason that we can’t let go of pain is because we feel it as immensely personal. Pain, however, is not personal – it is universal. Talking about your pain may be difficult, but talking about it with other people who have dealt with similar experiences can help you to realize that you are not the first person to have dealt with these feelings, but rather one of many. Joining forums and support groups is also a good way to learn how other people process and overcome difficult emotions.
Talking about your past may not feel like letting go – it may feel like holding on. However, your past is always going to be a part of you. Talking about it is not about holding onto your past, it’s about finding a way to move past it gradually by accepting it as the part of you that it has become.

Forums and chatroom are easy enough to find online, but the phone book and your local paper should have listings of support groups in your area. Even small communities often have support groups for every need, from losing a pet to losing a loved one to serving in the armed forces or quitting addictions. These support groups are often held in religious centers, but most of them are not explicitly religious in nature. Most of them also don’t require any kind of commitment, so you should be able to sit in on a session or two to decide if it’s right for you.

5. Confront It
Similar to talking about your past, sometimes you just need to think about it for a bit. Like talking about it, thinking about your past can be painful. However, the less time you spend confronting your past, the more likely it is to catch up with you in unexpected ways.  None of us can change the past, but we can change ourselves in order to get past it. The past changes all of us and controlling that change is the only productive way to deal with pain.

You have probably noticed that it’s impossible to do all of these suggestions – at least all at once. It can be hard to even know where to go. When trying to let go of the past, think of how you handle other situations to try and predict which path or paths will work for you now. Anything that you try is a step in the right direction, even if it doesn’t work in the long run.

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